my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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