College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize