i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
