Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
