dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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