You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
