And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
