These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
FUCK WHALES
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
