I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
