There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
