i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
