I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
