I got chris browned last night
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
