That's when you crack a 10am beer
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
