one might say we're banned from that church
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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