I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
