drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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