Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
