my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
