forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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