i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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