I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
