even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
