I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
