Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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