I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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