he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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