she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
