Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
