I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
