He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
