I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
look no pants
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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