I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
