take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
