You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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