okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
