Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
