yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
