he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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