Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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