The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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