She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
