I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
whose parrot is this?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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