By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Randomize
