Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
