is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Who died my cat blue again?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
