Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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