just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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