stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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