i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
